So i have this problem where i am not sympathetic to people with problems and addictions. I just can't bring my self to be like"aww its ok " I mean sure i can say that but its always followed with," Once you stope being a coke head and stop drinking your ass to death and get a job or learn to deal with it you will be happy". I can't stand people who do drugs and maybe it's not really the person but its the habit . I see drug and alcohol addiction as the easy way out  and i just don't get why people put them through it. Sure its fun for a while but then what happens when it's gone? you get some more or you don't and you go through withdrawl. I dont know maybe im just in a bad mood.

I really wish i could stop binging. I feel like i need to eat right now but I have already eaten so much . I wanted to cry but i kept eating . It used to be so easy . In the start I didn't even notice what I was doing and it was easy and then one day i relised that i was restricting and this fear came over me and here i am now, scared to death of every calorie that enters my body and now it seems so hard . It is like my body is trying to recover but my mind doesn't want to and then the other part is saying " it's going to make you fat you know? restricting and all of this stuff your putting yourself through is going to eventually make you fat", I don't understand. Im off to eat some cearal..... i can't stop myself  tommorrow will start the new me and no more of this failure.

I have been reading on pro- anorexia communitys and fourms all evening and I am truly disgusted by some of the things I have read on there. The lack of compassion and respect and love for others  really breaks my heart. I hate to see these young( most of them seem to be teen girls) women talking about friends and other people the way that they do. Since when is it ok to talk about your friends and call them fat? or talk so rudely about people . Having an eating disorder does not give you the right to judge others. If anything you should not be judging anyone because wether or not iyou want to belive it , our minds are disordered and we do noot see things or think clearly . I read so many posts where girls were calling their friends fat and forgive me for saying but I bet over half of those girls that said those things started their ed's because at a yhoung age they were called fat by someone. Makes me so mad.
Just remember girls that your beautiful but be kind to others because you may never know what your words might do to someone, what doe they do to you? they hurt right? Why would you want to cause someone else greif. Being mean doesn't make you cool and it doesn't make you better than anyone else better you learn that now .

I went to the gym today but I had to leave before weighing myself. I have been really bloated this week. Does skipping your period( not taking the sugar pills but starting another pill pack of Birth control) make you bloated and stuff like you were on your period? if it does then im never doing that again. I skipped it because my birthday was this week and i didn't want to mess with that on my birthday. Anyways I went to the gym and I burned about 300 calories on the elptical and treadmill. I really need to get into shape though because im no at all. I know that currently i burn about 1300 calories doing nothing and I keep my calorie intake under 600 so thats fairly good, could be better but it could always be better right? Well I guess thats all . Ill post some thinspo tommorrow or sunday.

So here are my stats the last time I checked which was two says ago. I don't have a scale so I can't always check , think that saves me for some reason .

H:5'11
W: 123 lbs
Bust: 32 C
Waist: 27
Hips: 34
Goal : 110 lbs

About my thinspo: I like Model,Runway,Backstage,High Fashion Thinspo. "Real Girl" Thinspo does nothing for me. I know that it works for alot of girls and guys but not for me. I won't be putting alot of "real girl" thinspo up just because im not looking at it but if I have some that i like i will put it up. My fave is back stage photos. So I figured out how to do the multiple picture posts, now I just need to learn to do cuts.








Harry Potter:
Anyone reading/read the book?I'm on chapter 14. So far its pretty good, but not alot has seemed to happen or maybe i'm not paying attention to it. I also happend to run across some spoilers and though they were not really important i really want to fastforward to those parts. I am a huge Pansy Parkinson fan so I found out that she is in the book and that is really cool. I'm also a bellatrix fan so I want to get the parts where she is. I'm a bit bored with the beggining part and don't find the great excitement of the trio just sitting around talking about their plans but thats just me. Ok enough of my dorky side!

To those who may be reading this or to those who just happen to come across this lil journal of mine welcome! A little bit about me: I'm 21(turning 22 on August 1st) I am anorexic or I have anorexia or whatever way you want to put it. Been dealing with eating disorders i think since middle school off and on. Never been through treatment though. Started out as over exercising, I was a swimmer and an all-star cheerleader . I had tons of exercise equipment in my room and worked out 7 days a week and anytime that i wasnt in school or being forced to do somthing else.My best friend is also anorexic and we keep each other strong. I love to read and I am a big Harry Potter fan, call me a geek or whatever I don't really care. I'm in College and I am studying Archeology with a double major in History , plan on going for the PH.D. I don't know what else to say so if you care to know anything else feel free to ask in the comments Oh and the best part of this blog....Thinspiration!!

 
Wait anyone know how to put multiple photos in the post?